The Girl Behind The Red Door
by Auspicious Stars
Summary: "I remember that house. I remember that path and I remember that red door..." Walking down memory lane is always hard to do, imagine doing so knowing that waiting for you at the end of said path is sorrow and loss. And maybe, if you're lucky, hope.


**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; I simply borrow it from time to time.

**The girl behind the red****door**

I remember this house. I remember that path and I remember that red door as I sit in my car and try to gather some courage to walk the same path that belonged to my youth.

_God, Cullen get a grip._

I was six years old when we moved to Forks, Washington. My father was a military man and got stationed at _Fort Forks_. He was the doctor, or the physician as my mother always so eloquently said. We moved in to the house next to the one with the red door. It was a nice big house, but I was only a child. That was not something I paid any mind to. Never having someone to play with, that was what I always had in my head. I remember complaining to my mom when I was bored and wanted to play with someone, begging her for just one little game of 'tag' or 'hide-and-go-seek'. She always smiled and said I would _'make friends eventually'_. For a six year old, eventually was far too long.

A week after moving in, we were invited by the Chief of Police and his family's house for dinner.

I remember I was dressed in my best clothes and walked behind my parents sulking and pouting. If only I had known what waited for me behind that red door, I would have been racing to get there the moment we arrived in Forks.

I remember my mother knocked on the door and a woman, probably the same age as mom and dad, answered it and ushered us into her home. It was nice and quaint. It had a good TV and I was hoping I would at least get to watch some of it whilst I was there. Alone. With no one to play with. Chief Swan walked up to my father and shook his hand and my mother hugged the woman, Mrs. Swan. Chief Swan walked up to me and shook my hand. He was cool, he said I had 'a firm hand shake' and that 'it shows character'. Of course being six I didn't really understand, but I felt my chest swell with pride.

I remember Mrs. Swan came up to me and smiled and gave me a hug, which I reciprocated, and told me that I was going to make a friend today.

"_I saw you eyeing the television," she began with a smile. "But, I don't think Bella will want to stay inside for too long; she'll probably drag you outside to the backyard. I just know you both will be great friends." Mrs. Swan finished with a bright smile. _

_**Bella. **_

I remember looking at my mother in question, but she just nodded and smiled. So I, ever the six year old, shrugged and walked to the couch. As I sat down, I heard Mrs. Swan call for Bella. I ignored the rapid footsteps I heard coming down the stairs, the bright giggle that made its presence known and the boisterous laugh that came from the chief. Introductions were made; my mom gushed over the 'pretty girl with such pretty hair'. Her words, not mine. I remember I was sulking, as always, when my father called me.

"_Son, come here and meet Bella." He said with a smile in his voice. Apparently, Bella had won my parents over. I didn't like her already_.

_As I walked over to where everyone was converged, I went to stand by my father leaning against his leg. I kept my eyes on the floor, not wanting to meet this girl. _

"_Hi." I remember the bells of her sweet innocent voice. It caught my attention and I looked up immediately._

"_Hi." I whispered, awed at the creature in front of me. Even as a six year old, I knew she could only be an angel. "I'm Edward." I stretch my hand before me, in a gesture as old as time._

"_I'm Bella," she giggled and took my hand shaking it. I jumped because she shocked me. "It's nice to meet you Edward." I smiled widely. _

After that day, Bella and I were inseparable. Where she went I went and vice versa. We would sleep over at each other's house and have a movie party. We would stay up until late, which at that age was until nine p.m., and watch every movie we could. Or sometimes, we would just read. Well, our parents would read to us until we had our fill.

Bella Swan was my best friend in the whole world and we were joined at the hip. I didn't want it any other way.

When we were fourteen, we started high school. We would hold hands and have lunch together and just always hang out. All our new friends thought we were a couple and neither of us bothered to correct them. Of course we weren't and it eventually came out that we were just best friends, but we never were apart regardless. When our hormones kicked in, and boys started noticing her, I was wound up tight.

I remember so clearly the jealousy I felt when Bella would get approached by a guy and get asked out to the movies. I would almost hit the roof. I never had to worry though, because she always said she had plans with me already. It was weird – the things I was starting to feel for her. Bella was always pretty. However, she got more and more beautiful by the day and it was painful to watch at times – the looks she got from the guys at school. She never paid any mind to any of them, and only held my hand tighter. I would feel myself beaming as we walked down the school halls, hand in hand.

When my fifteenth birthday came around that summer, we had a party in my back yard. All our friends from school came and we hung out and had fun and played spin the bottle – well, the other kids did at least. When it was time for presents, we all gathered around. I remember it was strange because Bella decided to stay opposite me instead of next to me like always, but I shrugged it off. Except, I remember, she had been acting weird that night, hardly looking at me and hardly speaking to me; I racked my brain trying to remember if I had done anything to warrant this behavior from her, but came up with nothing. I just tried being as sweet as possible to her. I got her drinks, and food. I brought her cake and sat beside her taking hold of her hand.

That was the first time, I remember, that she blushed so fiercely. She always blushed, but nothing like this. I remember thinking that reaction to be odd.

When Riley Biers walked up to her and asked her to dance while I went for some drinks, I almost lost my cool. I remember them moving to the middle of the yard and dancing together. He put his hands on her wait and she put hers on his shoulders. I remember feeling being punched me in the gut but there was nothing in front of me. I felt my chest constrict and sharp pain plunged through me. I had to put our drinks down and walk inside the house, heading straight for the bathroom. I remember looking at the mirror intently and lifting my shirt up looking for any bruises or gashes; the pain that enveloped me was so strong. I bent down, placed my hand on my knees and breathed deeply, trying to get the pain to stop and pass. It took a while but I got it under control.

When I walked back out, I saw Bella looking for me. I felt a streak of anger toward her. _How dare she make me feel like that_? I remember thinking. I walked slowly up to her and tapped her shoulder, alerting her to my presence. She jumped and turned. When Bella saw me, her face lit up in the most beautiful smile. My anger gone and long forgotten.

_When had she become so beautiful?_ I remember thinking. _When had my angel grown up to be a stunning woman?_ I remember I couldn't breathe. I simply stared at her, and she stared back.

"_I was wondering where you were," she said grabbing my hand and walking me to the table with all the presents. "Come on, you have present to open, mister." She smiled and said with mock authority, still not quite looking in my eyes. _

"_I just had to use the bathroom." I said, breathing deeply once more._

I remember opening all my presents and noticing Bella hadn't given me one. I didn't really mind, but I was kind of sad about it. I always liked her presents best.

I remember later in the evening when everyone left, Bella stayed for the night like we do always on each other's birthday. We were in my room putting away my gifts, when I felt her small hand on my shoulder. I turned to look at her.

"_You probably noticed I didn't give you a present?" she began with a small smile. I nodded but kept quiet. "Well, it's because my present… well I wanted to give you something special. And I wanted to give it to you when we were alone. With no one watching us," her smile grew. For the first time tonight she looked directly in my eyes._

_I was mesmerized. _

_I took a deep breath, when I noticed her start to inch closer to me. Her face mere inches from mine. She wasn't breathing and her eyes never left mine. I understood then, what she wanted to give me._

_My first kiss. _

_It was magical. It was short and quick, and just a peck, but it was perfect and it was with my angel. When I opened my eyes, I saw that Bella's were still closed, so I leaned in again and kissed her once more._

_She kissed me back. _

**~***TGBTRD***~**

I remember Bella's sixteenth birthday, as if it were yesterday. That was the day I knew, one hundred percent, that I loved Isabella Swan with my every fiber.

That was also the day my world was destroyed. Just, came crumbling down. The day I took my last breath, figuratively speaking of course.

As I sit in my car and stare at the house with the red door, I remember when I was getting ready for Bella's party – which of course was held in her backyard – and laugh as I recall the conversation with Charlie; that year the Chief splurged and went all out renting a dance floor and a mini bar (who knew those were things one could rent?). I remember how he awkwardly approached Bella.

"_Bells…" Charlie came and sat down next to where Bella and I were playing cards. It was a slow day in Forks. "Well, you're… you're birthday is coming up and I know you don't like the fuss, but your mother and I have been talking and we thought it would be… cool?" it sounded so much more awkward hearing Charlie say 'cool' whilst trying to have an in depth conversation with his self proclaimed 'little girl'. I had to bite back my laughter; "and we thought that perhaps you would like to have a, uh, well… a dance floor and a mini bar?" Charlie sounded so apprehensive, as if fearing rejection. I thought it was an awesome idea. However, knowing Bella, she would flip._

_She surprised us all._

"_Daddy…" Bella squealed, actually squealed! "That is the best idea ever! Yes! I want the dance floor and the bar…" turning to me her eyes were alight. "This is gonna be so cool Edward, don't you think? I mean we can even have a theme party!" I could see the wheels turning in her head. I was scared. "OH! We can a sixties theme party. What do you think daddy? Edward?"_

_Charlie and I looked to each other; this was gonna be either the best party ever or the worst disaster ever. We smiled reluctantly, and agreed in unison, whilst mumbling. Bella ran to her mom and they began to plan for the festivities._

I remember Charlie sitting back in his arm chair and palming his face a grumbling something oddly close to 'what have I gotten myself into'. I laughed on the inside.

A month later everything was ready for Bella's party. I remember that month clearly. It was a dark month at home, my parents were fighting a lot and the arguments were constant and my mother was unhappy and I hated being in the house when they were there, so I spent most of my time with Bella – well, even more of my time, seeing as most of my time was already allotted to being with her. I had decided I was going to tell her about my feelings for her and wish for her to reciprocate. If not, I remember telling myself, that I could live with just her friendship.

An hour or so before the party, as I stood in front of my closet deciding what to wear, I remember how my parents knocked on my door and walked into my room. I had a foreboding feeling for some reason.

"_Son, have a seat," dad began. "We need to speak to you." Mom looked pissed and she had unshed tears in her eyes. Something bad was going to or had happened._

"_What's up?" I asked as casually as possible._

"_Well, I understand this is probably not be the best time…" dad trailed off attempting to gather his thoughts it seemed. "But, uh, I, uh…" he looked to my mom for help._

"_Sweetie, what dad's trying to say is that work called," she said softly. Mom's voice was fraught with trepidation. I suddenly couldn't breathe. Again. "Your father was transferred to California." Dad was transferred. Dad was leaving Forks. Dad was leaving home. I was missing something important. I just couldn't wrap my mind around it. _

"_Ok, so when do you leave dad?" I asked, feeling confused and worried about the missing piece. _

"_I leave in three days, Edward." He spoke with finality. That's what they were so worried about? _

"_Oh well that's soon." I said. "But hey, it's not like you can't come home for the holidays. I mean I'll be on break, and Bella and I were thinking of maybe joining the families this year," I said with a reassuring smile to my dad. "So, when you come back and visit it'll be fine." _

_Mom and dad looked at each other, then at me. It was as if I was missing some pivotal point._

"_What?" I asked._

"_Sweetie, dad's not going to come back for the holidays," mom started softly and slowly. "We're going to him."_

"_Oh, I get it. It's fine. I'll talk to Bella and we'll just exchange presents when we get back." I knew I was being naive on purpose. But I just couldn't wrap my mind around what they were trying to tell me. I was in denial._

"_Edward," dad spoke. "When you and your mother come to California before the Christmas break, well, you'll be coming to stay," he sighed. They were quiet for a moment, allowing this information to sink in. _

_My world turned upside down, tilted sideways and simply fell backwards. _

_I thought over everything they told me. I thought about Bella and pain erupted in my chest when I realized we were moving away. My vision turned blurry._

"_WHAT?" I said with an exasperated sigh._

"_Honey, calm down," mom said. "We need to go over some details." I was shaking my head in denial. How could they do this to me? They knew I was happy here. They knew about Bella. I told mom I was gonna tell her today. Her birthday; how was I going to survive tonight without breaking down? _

_I felt broken._

As I remember that day, I feel the tears prickle behind my eyes. I pinch the bridge of my nose and start my car. It was night now and too late to do anything, really. I drive back to motel and lay in bed staring at the ceiling for hours. Sleep evades me as I relive my past. The pain I feel is a pestering guest that is tagging along for my journey down memory lane.

As I lay in my bed in the motel, I remember when I was ten and Bella and I were riding our bikes and she fell off and scraped her knee. I remember how I took care of her and I remember that after I cleansed her knee and bandaged it, we went out for ice cream. My treat. She kissed my cheek and it was the first kiss she gave me that actually made me feel all fluttery inside, and I'm sure I blushed beet red.

As sleep finally reaches up with my overactive brain, I begin to dream my memories. Except these dreams, are more like nightmares.

_I walked out of my house and dragged my feet to Bella's. I placed my hand on the door to enter and hesitated. For the first time in ten years, I did _not_ want to open the red door and see the girl behind it – the girl I loved. I took a deep breath and plastered the fakest real smile I could manage and walked into my own personal hell._

_I was still broken. _

"_Edward!" Bella screeched and ran into my arms. She snuggled her head into the crook of my neck and I held her tightly as if my life depended on it – which truly it did. _

"_Bella," I whispered reverently. "Happy birthday beautiful girl."_

"_Hmmm, thank you," Bella lifted her head and gazed at me. I couldn't control myself; I leaned in and captured her lips with mine. She smiled into our kiss before deepening it. I sighed into her mouth and felt the tears once more, making their presence known. I pulled back from her and ran my hand through her hair soothingly. I gave her an Eskimo kiss._

_The party went off without a hitch and I was able to hold onto my feelings of dread, sadness and heartache. We had fun – Bella always had the biggest smile on her face._

_After everyone had left, we got ready for bed. Her parents had gone to Port Angeles for the night – they trusted us to behave – and we took care of ourselves. _

_We watched a movie before we went to bed; thoughts of how I would explain to her that I was leaving kept running through my mind. How I was not going to see her everyday; how I was not going to be there anymore. _

_As Bella went to the bathroom to brush her teeth, I perched myself on the edge of her bed and racked my brain for a way to break the news of my impending departure. I had come up with nothing by the time she walked back in the room._

"_Bells," I swallowed and breathed deeply. "I, um, I have to tell you something and I don't know how."_

"_Edward, you can tell me anything," Bella said with the sweetest voice and smile, as she held my hands in hers. _

_How many ways can one heart be mangled and still be expected to keep beating? I thought. (__**A/N: New Moon**__)_

"_Ok ,this is hard for me to say," I began. "You're my best friend. I have known you for most my life and nothing is more important to me than our friendship. I mean, you are the most important person in my life. I want you to know, that you make me happy and I am so honored to be a part of yours – "_

"_Edward, you're rambling."_

"_Right," I took a deep breath. I can do this. I love you. "I love you." I said it!_

"_Bella?" _

"_You love me?" she asked quietly._

"_Yes. With all my heart," where had all this courage come from? I was wussing out just minutes before. _

"_I- I don't know what to say," she looked down at her hands. A slight frown of confusion permeating her face. _

"_It's ok, you don't have to say it back," I began as the nerves and heartache – as if I didn't already have that – saturated every muscle in my chest. "I mean, I just wanted you to know. Don't get me wrong, I'm fine with just your friendship. How can someone like you love _me_? Of course, I was just hoping for more-"_

"_Edward, it's not that I don't feel the same way, because I do-"_

"_And I just wanted to tell you how beautiful you are-"_

"_It's just that I was so surprised. I mean how can someone like you love _me?_-"_

"_Because I know you don't see yourself clearly, like at all. Plus dad got a call today from work and he has to go-"_

"_And it's just that I've had these strange feelings for you for so long now, and I not once dared hope you to feel the same way -"_

"_And now they tell me we all have to go too, but I couldn't without you knowing."_

"_What I am trying to say is-"_

"_What I'm trying to say is-"_

"_I love you too." "I'm leaving."_

_Silence. _

_With wide eyes, I stared at her gaping. _

"_You love me?" I felt my heart soar…_

_And then I saw her face._

"_You're leaving?" her broken voice asked, drenched with tears._

"_Yes. Dad got called away and he's taking us with him." I looked down at my hands, incapable of looking at her knowing I would see the hurt, loss and sadness in her eyes. My soaring heart came plummeting down in a downward spiral to the abyss which had become my life that night. I was at a loss as to how to make it better for us. _

_She loves me too, my mind whispered. _

"_And you have to go too, of course," Bella's voice was just above a whisper. The first tear fell. "You said you love me," she looked up at me then. I lifted my head and looked into her eyes._

"_Yes. With everything I am."_

"_But you're leaving," the tears Bella had tried, so valiantly, to hold back were now cascading down her cheeks. I couldn't breathe and so I did the only thing I could think of – I gathered her in my arms and laid us on the bed and just held her for dear life._

_I had never resented my fathers' work before, mostly because the last time we moved we ended up in Forks, and brought me to my home – to Bella. Now, however, I loathed it with my every fiber._

"_I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" I repeated, over and over. _

_Bella's chest was heaving as she tried to catch her breath while she cried continuously. I was trying so hard to keep my own tears at bay, but it was no use. I rocked us back and forth on her bed, all the while never letting her go and planting little kisses to her hair. I inhaled her scent deeply: roses and vanilla. Home. _

_Slowly, Bella turned in my arms to look at me. Her tear streaked face so sad it was heart wrenching. God, I loved her so much._

"_Edward, I don't want you to leave. I want you with me, always," silent tears ran down her face._

"_I love you," I said smiling at her. "I will always be here for you." I leaned my head down and kissed her lips in a soft, tender and loving kiss. _

_Bella sighed into my mouth and I moaned as her breath caressed me. I traced her bottom lip with my tongue asking for entrance. She opened her mouth and we began our warm, wet dance. I felt Bella's hands on my chest then, as she began to run them up and down my torso. Her leg draped over mine and we were entwined in a position recognized by lovers. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest; could she want this? Could Bella truly want to give herself to me in this way? _

_When the need for air, unfortunately, forced us to break our kiss, I searched her eyes._

"_Bella?" I asked her, my question understood immediately. Bella's only response was to nod slightly, smile and reengage our kiss. _

_I deepened the kiss as I felt her begin to unbutton my shirt; I trailed my hands down to her hips and massaged her there. She moaned. I grinned like a fool. _

"_I love you," I mumbled against her lips._

"_I love you," she answered back._

_I rolled us over so as to position myself on top of her and opened my eyes whilst kissing to see her face. I was surprised to see that Bella had her eyes open as well._

_My shirt was finally completely open and Bella ran her hands over my skin; her hands were so soft and warm. I felt my pants tighten. I played with the hem of her shirt as she ran her hands over my shoulders to bring my shirt down my arms only to throw it on the floor. Bella's shirt followed suit as did both our pants as well as the rest of our clothing. _

_She was beautiful. Perfect; truly and utterly magnificent. _

_I trailed my fingers over her body and saw the goose bumps that appeared along the trail lingering from my touch. I shivered in anticipation. _

"_You're perfect," I whispered to her reverently. Bella blushed beautifully._

_I leaned in to kiss her again and we began to love each other._

**~***TGBTRD***~**

I wake up the next morning with a smile on my face. Our first time together, making love, is one of my fondest memories.

I remember waking up with Bella in my arms and gazing down at her, feeling completely blessed out. I remember feeling so happy yet so sad because I was leaving. But I had her in my arms and I was not going to let anything spoil this moment for us – I suppose I should have thought about contraceptives but I knew Bella was on the pill and so I continued to feel happy and non-preoccupied.

I remember how Bella stirred in my arms and mumbled incoherently. I simply held her tighter and closer to me. I inhaled her scent once again, attempting to ensconce it in my memory forever.

I remember that the next few days were a hassle and passed by dragging quickly. Bella and I spent as much time together as we could – we also made love a few more times during the days we still had together.

And then the day we were to leave arrived. I was leaving the love of my life, the reason of my existence, the air I needed to breathe.

I broke all over again.

_I took Bella out to dinner my last night in Forks. I took her to 'Bella Italia' in Port Angeles. It was the best restaurant around and we both loved the food there. It was a bitter – sweet night._

_We hardly spoke, but were always connected to the other – physically or otherwise._

_After dinner, I drove us to the port and we watched the water sway against the reflection of the moon. It was beautiful. It was painful; I was fighting back my tears._

"_I love you, you know that right?"_

"_Of course," Bella said as we sat in the back of my car just gazing out the windshield. "Just as I love you." I looked at her then and leaned in for a kiss. I kissed her for all I was worth, for all the love I felt for her and for everything we were._

"_I am going to miss you so much, Edward. I won't know what to do with myself."_

"_You'll be fine. You're strong," I tried to lighten the mood. "In a few months you'll forget about me." Pain charged my chest._

"_Never," Bella whispered fiercely. _

"_Neither will I" I said before we kissed again._

I remember dropping her off at home and holding her hand not wanting to let her go. I wrapped my arms around her waist and drew her to me.

_I held her there for what felt like hours, but could only have been a few moments in our evading time together. I put my hand in my pocket and pulled out a small box. I handed it to her with a small smile._

"_I got this for you, to remember me by."_

_Bella opened the box and gasped. Inside was silver locket with our picture on the inside – we are laughing and holding each other as we often did._

"_Turn it over," I said. As she turned it over I explained to her the meaning of the words inscribed._

"_Es Vita Mea," I read. "It means 'You are my life'." Her eyes began to tear up and from the beautiful smile spreading over her lips, I knew she loved it._

"_Edward, it's perfect," she said throwing her arms around my neck. "Thank you so much."_

"_You're welcome, love," I said kissing her neck. "Turn around; I'll fasten it for you." I put it on her and noticed her bringing her hand up to hold it tightly. I felt her grasp on my heart and it warmed me._

"_I love you," Bella said._

"_I love you too."_

I remember the next morning my mother and I left. I remember seeing Bella's retreating form in the side mirror, noticing her holding her locket. My heart crumbled. I didn't speak the entire way to California. I would never forgive my parents for this, I remember thinking.

I remember landing in California and instead of walking up to my father and hugging him like my mother did, I walked out of the airport and waited to get to the car and simply wallowed for all I had just lost against my will.

I remember enrolling in a school where I knew no one, and I remember how miserable I was. I hated California. As the years went by, though, it grew on my and I now considered it home. But not where my heart was; there was nowhere my heart belonged now. It was lost and drifting through time and space. I still felt I couldn't breathe at times.

I have attempted to contact Bella many times, after she left for college, however never fully accomplishing the feat for some ungodly reason; I have yet to know to this day.

I get up out of bed, take a shower and take care of my daily needs and walk out the motel room and head for the diner for some breakfast.

As I walk in the diner I see some familiar faces, like Gwen, the waitress who is still here after all these years; I walk up to the counter and order the morning special. Everyone looks at me with pity in their eyes. They all know why I am here. Everyone always knows everything, no privacy in a small town.

I remember when Bella and I walked in one time for some lunch on a weekend, just before I left, and we walked hand in hand and we were happy (well as happy as we could be at the time) and sat down together. Bella had to use the bathroom so she got up and went, not before she gave me a passionate kiss. The next few days were riddled with inconsequential rumors regarding the status of our relationship. I remember also, that was the day I punched out Jacob Black just as we were leaving the diner after a late breakfast a day or two after the rumors began.

"_Hey man," Jacob approached me and Bella, "Bells."_

"_Jake." Bella said. I just nodded my head in greeting; I never relay like Jacob, he always had a thing for Bella._

"_So, you two, huh?" was what he said, as if it were an appropriate question._

"_Yes, we are together Jake," Bella said with a tight voice. "What's it to you, or anyone else for that matter?" they were tainting our precious time together by interrupting and being nosy._

"_Nothing, it's just you know… Edward's leaving soon." He said with a pointed smile as if insinuating something. I was seething. _

"_Ya, I am," I said furiously. Bella placed a hand on my chest. "So if you don't mind I'd like some alone time with my girlfriend before I leave."_

"_Hey, you can have all the time you want… while you're here that is," his smile was sinister. "When you're gone, Bells will have me." He looked to Bella then. I snapped. "Wouldn't you like that Bella? Having a real man take care of your needs?" _

_It all happened fairly quickly. _

_Bella gasped and shrunk into me with revulsion. I took a step forward and my fist crashed against Jacob's nose breaking the sucker. How dare he say that to __**my**__ Bella; how dare he even imply that to her? As he fell to the floor, I leaped on top of him and just kept at it. I continued to beat the snot out of him. I may have been taking some of my anger out on him, but he was an excellent outlet. Fortunately for Jacob, the Charlie walked then and saw what was happening. I was suddenly airborne and being pushed against a wall._

"_What has gotten in to you, son?" Charlie asked me with angered eyes. "What do you think you were doing?"_

"_It's his fault!" I yelled. _

"_That's not what I asked. What happened?"_

"_Daddy," my Bella spoke up after the shock had worn off. "Daddy, Edward was protecting me from Jake." She whispered._

"_Jake?" Charlie looked at Bella confused._

"_Yes," she took a deep breath and started to tell Charlie what had transpired. "…And then he asked if I wanted a _real man_ to take care of my needs." She finished._

_Charlie let me go and walked toward Jacob in a fury. "The only reason I am not throwing you in a cell right now is because your father is my best friend," he seethed. "But, if you ever come near my daughter Jake, so help me… friendship or not, you will have me to deal with. You are not to be around her alone. Ever again. Do I make myself clear?"_

"_Y-yes sir," Jacob said scrambling off the floor and out of the diner with a bloody nose. Charlie once more turned to me._

"_Edward, I don't approve of your behavior. I don't think violence is the way. However, you did protect my little girl and so I will let it slide – this time." He said firmly, he turned to Bella. "If Jacob ever bothers you again, or if he ever makes you feel uncomfortable, come to me immediately. I will take care of it," he said. Charlie shook his head and slid his thumbs through the belt loops of his trousers. "I'm gonna talk to Billy and let him know what happened. He'll take care of Jake's punishment for now." And with that, Charlie walked to the counter asked for a cup of coffee to go, kissed Bella on her forehead and shook my hand._

I remember just staring at him after that, amazed by his control. I would never forget how protective he was and how much he loved his daughter – _**my**_ Bella.

And now, to think that's all gone; my heart hurts and I try to forget the reason I am here for just a few moments and enjoy my breakfast.

**~***TGBTRD***~**

As I drive around Forks, I remember the phone call that changed everything for me again. That made my heart drop and that froze my blood. That made cry since my own tragic loss.

Six years after having moved to California, my dad died. He was sitting at his desk doing nothing really, just some inventory needed for the base when he had a heart attack. Years in the army, years of on field jobs and near death experiences, years of being in the middle of a war and sitting at his desk was what got him in the end.

I remember my mother was heartbroken and lost. I was in shock, I just couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that my father would no longer be coming home or having dinners with us or dancing at night with mom when they thought I was asleep.

He was just gone. And now this happened.

It was exactly one month ago that I got the call from a broken, crying and empty voiced Renee. She told me what had happened, and I felt my world flip on its axis. I couldn't breathe.

How could this happen to someone as wonderful as… _breathe Cullen._

I remember the call clearly, the one that flipped my life upside down again and that made me feel empty inside once more.

_It was a Tuesday, so I indulged in my guilty pleasure – Starbuck coffee. My phone rang in my pocket as I stood in line to buy my coffee._

"_Edward Cullen," I had taken to answering my phone this way after having started a successful architect firm with some friends from school._

_A small and broken voice spoke over the receiver, "Edward?" and I at once, knew who it was._

"_Renee?" I waited for an answer and was met with silence. "Hello?" I asked the caller. Something was off, I could feel it._

_Renee finally spoke and I found out what the call was about. _

_The coffee shop started spiraling and my breathing hitched as she told me everything. My chest was constricted and my body was being deprived of air. I felt my legs begin to tremble and lose strength. _

"_How?" I asked in a barely loud enough whisper, my voice cracking. _

_A mugger, with a gun; and now… gone!_

_Renee's word repeated in my head over and over, and finally I lost all will to stand. I lost all sense of being._

_How could she be alright? How was she holding up, was what suddenly flashed in my mind in bright neon colors. I felt strong arms lift me and take me to a chair at a table and I was handed a cup of water to help calm me down. As I held the phone to my ear I heard soft whimpers and remembered Renee was still on the other end of the line waiting for me._

"_When's the f-fu- funeral" I asked in a small voice._

_A week from today; it was a week from today, the funeral. SHIT! I couldn't go, we had an important investor coming for a meeting that would make or break our company and the investor insisted we all – myself and my partners – be there. I was crushed to have to tell Renee this. _

_She understood however, asked if I could still take a few days maybe and come by just to help sort through everything. There was no one they both trusted more than I to do this. Of course I would go I said. As soon as I could get the time off I would be there for them. _

**~***TGBTRD***~**

I suppose it's come full circle now, and as I sit in my car I remember this house. I remember that path and I remember that red door as I try to gather some courage and walk the same path that belonged to my youth, to my past.

Finally I open the car door and step out. I take a deep breath and begin my trek to the red door. Once upon a lifetime ago, I would simply open the door and walk in. Now though, I hope no one is home so I don't have to go through this loss again.

I lift my hand and rasp my knuckles against the faded red wood.

It opens slowly revealing my past.

"Edward."

"Renee," I say. I smile and hug her tightly to me.

"Come in, Edward. Please this is your home too." She says with a sad smile. I can see purple bruises under her eyes from the lack of rest and notice she has lost weight and seems older.

"Thank you," I say as I sit at the kitchen table as I did all those years ago. "How are you holding up?"

"Hmm… I'm doing ok, I suppose for the situation," Renee says slowly. "It's still hard every day. Thank you so much for coming Edward I don't know how I would do this if you weren't here."

"You have absolutely nothing to thank me for. You are family, both of you. I never stopped loving you guys," I say feeling guilty how we lost touch so easily. "I'm sorry I haven't been around. And now this…" I choke.

"You had a life to live, we all understood. She did too," as Renee says this; my eyes brim with unshed tears. I clear my throat.

"Um, where… where's-" I can't finish my question. It is too painful.

"In her room," she begins "Hasn't left it since it happened."

"Should I… I mean do you think I should go up?" I ask tentatively.

"I think that would be nice," Renee says. "No one has been up there except for me. It'll do good having someone with h-" Renee's voice brakes on the last word and she just begins to cry. I gather her in a tight loving hug and simply hold her as she cries over her loss. "I never thought I would outlive my…" she can't finish. I don't push her. "Go, on up. I'll be fine. I'm just going to wash my face."

"Ok," I say. I turn from her and head for the stairs. As I get closer to the top I can hear faint whimpers and quiet broken sobs.

How am I going to do this?

I walk to the bedroom door and tap lightly. I hear no answer so I just push it open and take a step into my past. Everything comes crashing down all at once.

"Edward?" God, such a broken voice; I can't take it anymore. I walk briskly to the bed which was still in its same place when Bella and I used to watch our movies here.

Everything is different now.

"Bella!" I gather her in my arms and just hold with my life, as if she was the most fragile glass in existence. I cry with her. Having Bella in my arms after all these, I always thought would be the best feeling in the world. However, this moment is plagued and shadowed by the untimely death of the Chief.

"Ed-ward," her voice brakes, my heart along with it. "He's gone… he's gone. He left me." Bella cries out and falls in my arms, her legs having no longer the strength to hold her.

My angel is broken and I don't know how to fix her. There is nothing I can do to make this better. So I do the only thing I can think of – I hold her in my arms and lay us on her bed and kiss her hair as I did so long ago.

"I'm so sorry Bella. So sorry, love…" I repeat my mantra as she cries into my chest.

Bella and Charlie always had a special relationship. The chief dotted on his little girl, and Bella loved him beyond anything. They had the best father daughter relationship I had ever witnessed. Bella would always go to Charlie for help or advice and he in turn was so proud of the woman she was becoming as she grew up.

"He's gone, he's gone…" Bella keeps reiterating.

Bella finally cries herself to sleep whilst in my arms and I have never felt so completely useless. Never has this feeling felt so bitter – sweet before either.

I realize as I watch her sleep, with her hair wildly framing her face and her head comfortably on my shoulder, with her pouty lips and swollen face, that Bella is still as perfect as she was ten years ago.

I had had a few relationships; some better than others and some just completely wrong for me, however, they never lasted for more than a few months at most. There was always something missing. Something important and I remember when I realized what exactly that something was.

None of those girls were _my Bella_.

They were beautiful in their own right, but they never held a candle to my angel.

I get up from the bed trying my best to not jostle the sleeping beauty on it, and walk down to the kitchen where I find Renee sipping on a cup of coffee. I pour one for myself and sit opposite her.

"How are you doing Renee?" I ask.

"Fine, as of now," she answers. "Bella?" she asks.

"Asleep. She cried herself to sleep." I take a deep breath, "I'm sorry about Charlie."

"I know, thank you. I am so glad you are here though. I don't think either of us can go through his things alone."

"Of course Renee, anything you need."

"I need my husband but that won't work will it?" silence permeated the room. After a beat more, Renee sighs. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said such a thing."

"You're grieving. It's normal to lash out," I say with a weak smile. "I did when Carlisle died."

"I'm so sorry Edward. He was a good man," she says about my father.

"As was Charlie; the world lost two great men." We drink our coffee in comfortable silence before I excuse myself to go check on Bella. When I get to her room she is awake and sitting up looking at an old photograph of us on either side of Charlie. I walk to her bed and sit down.

"You know," she begins. "When I woke up and I was alone, I thought you were a dream. A calm in my tempest." She smiles sadly.

"I'm real. I'm here," I say as I gather her in my arms again. I never again want to let her go.

"I heard you talking to Renee. She's so sad Edward. I don't know what to do. I'm miserable. She's miserable. We are both just…"

"Miserable?" I offer.

"Ya," Bella snorts. She lays her head on my shoulder and inhales deeply. I do the same to her hair. Roses and vanilla.

"I missed you so much," she says softly into my neck. I feel her lips against my skin. I shiver.

"I missed you too, so much love."

"Everything was wrong when you left. It felt like you took half my heart with you," Bella says sighing as she wraps her arms around me and holds me tightly. Perfection.

"I left half my heart here in Forks too," I say with a smile playing on my lips. "I left it with you."

"Mom is going to sell the house as soon as she can and said she's going to move to Florida and live with some cousins." Bella says.

"And you? What are you going to do?" I ask nervously. Can I convince her to come with me, and live in California? Does she even want to be with me after all these years? Does she feel the same way? Is there someone in her life? Bella pulls me out of my musings.

"Me… I don't know. I don't want to leave, but I don't think I can live here anymore. Not alone at least. I want a new start."

We talk for hours that night. I never mention her coming with me though; I want to get a feel of her life here. I want to get to know _my Bella_ once again. When the morning arrives I convince her to come down for breakfast and to go for a walk with me.

During breakfast, Renee asks me if I can sort through Charlie's belongings. I agree of course, readily, and after my walk with my beautiful Bella, I start to work.

Three days after having begun to go through Charlie's things, I come upon a letter addressed to Bella. I walk to the living room where she is and hand it to her.

"Here love, this is for," I say as she takes it from me. "It's from Charlie." I watch as her eyes widen and she looks over the envelope. Opening it carefully she pulls the letter out. I turn to give her some privacy.

"No, stay with me, I can't do this alone," she pleads. I perch myself on the couch next to her as she reads. When she is finished reading she has tears rolling down her face, a small smile growing on her lips.

"It's something good, then?" I ask. Bella just smiles at me and hands me the letter to read. I look at her in question and she just nods for me to read.

"My dearest baby girl," Charlie's letter begins.

My dearest baby girl,

If you're reading this, then it means I am no longer with you, as my job can be a dangerous one, and you have no idea how much it pains me to think this.

I want you to know, sweetheart, that I love you with all my heart and I always will no matter what.

I know that Edward's leaving broke your heart, and that you truly do love him. I know full well how strong a love like yours is and I guarantee you that he loves you just the same. You, baby girl, were the light of his life and I know you will be together again. I love that boy as if he was my own and I know as well, that he will take care of you if something should happen to me or your mother.

In fact, as you read this I hope he is with you.

Your mother and I have talked about scenarios where, should one of us pass before the other, what we would do. Your mother will be going to live with cousins in Florida, am I right?

Well, for you, baby girl I want you to follow your heart.

I want you to be happy Isabella, and the only way to do this truly, is to find your heart once again.

I believe it's somewhere in California.

I love you baby, live and be happy.

Ps: If he asks, say yes. I only hope that if you have a little boy you might want to name him Charles – it's a good strong name.

Love,

Daddy

When I finish reading the letter, my tears are just as prominent as Bella's. I laugh inwardly. I have Chief Swans' permission to be with his _baby girl_. I am happy. All I have to do now is ask, as Charlie said.

"He knew us better than anyone, go figure. He was always so quiet," I say more to myself.

"Yes he was." She says looking at me a smile playing her lips.

"It's true you know," I begin, looking into her eyes. "You were the light of my life. You were everything to me and I loved you so deeply and dearly." Bella has tears in her eyes again and she's biting her lower lip now.

She looks beautiful.

I still love the girl behind the red door. Maybe even more than before.

"I was?" Bella asks in a small voice.

"Yes," I say. "And you still are." She gasps. "Bella come with me. Come with me to California. Live with me. Have a life with me; be mine again." My voice is pleading.

"Edward I-"

"Bella I love you with everything I am. I want you to be mine. I want you to be my girlfriend, I want you to be my wife," I say breathing deeply. "I want you to be the mother of my children. I want you."

"Edward," she whispers. "I love you. Yes, I'll go with you." I pick her up in my arms and swing her around laughing at the happiness bursting through my heart.

She said yes. She's coming with me. We will be together. She is mine.

"Marry me; marry Bella."

"Yes," she says with a smile. "When the time is right and you ask me properly," Bella finishes with a giggle. I narrow my eyes, playfully at her, and kiss her passionately.

Charlie always went out of his way to ensure his family's happiness and the gift he bestowed upon I and Bella is priceless.

He gave us another chance.

**~***TBTRD***~**

All of Charlie's things are organized and I have packed away everything Renee and Bella want to keep. The rest will go to goodwill. Bella and I tell Renee about the letter from Charlie and that Bella will be coming to live in California with me. Renee is happy for us of course, and I am right there with her.

We drive Renee to the airport and say our goodbyes promising to visit her soon. We drive back to Bella's house and decide to take a nap after packing for our flight the following day.

"You know," I begin as we pack. "When I was younger and I would come over, I was always expecting to see the girl behind the door. She was a gorgeous one she was." I say with a smile.

"Oh and now? Not so gorgeous?" Bella asks playfully.

"No," I say. I look at Bella's astonished face. "Now, she's stunning." I wrap my arms around her waist and lean down to kiss her lips. "I might have to paint my front door red as well for when I come home in the evenings," I say as I pepper her lips with small kisses.

"And why is that, Mr. Cullen?"

"So I can see the girl behind the door every day of my life."

I lead us to her bed and lay us down; I begin to unbutton her shirt as she does the same to mine before she speaks breaking our kiss.

"I think that's a great idea," _**my **_girl behind the red door says, against my lips.

**A/N:** Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
